Sightings: Steamroller Mama

It was one of our first "Sightings" here in New Mexico. Remember, Sightings require that everyone's jaw involuntary drops and that at least one witness does a double-take. Words like "Did you see that" and "What the . . ." are also mandatory for official Sighting status.

Driving east out of Albuquerque, IH-40 winds its way through Tijeras Canyon. It's the old passage used by Native Americans and early settlers to get from the High Plains on the eastern side of the Sandia Mountains to the Rio Grande Valley on the western side.

Construction is ever-present on our nation's freeways and the miles through Tijeras Canyon are no different. One day on a trip through the canyon we encountered Streamroller Mama.

Traffic had slowed to a crawl in the construction zone. With only one lane open in each direction, cars and trucks were lined up for miles. Slowly, slowly we inched along talking and listening to music, catching the occasional glimpse of an actual highway construction worker.

At one point we spotted everyone's favorite comic relief piece of heavy machinery -- the steamroller. Its huge "wheel" has mashed, squashed, pressed and flattened many an actor or comedian over the years. It's always good for a giggle.

I sometimes imagined myself driving a steamroller just to see what I could mash. I think I would start with dozens of watermelons and work my way up to my old Ford Explorer sitting with a broken transmission in my driveway.

But this is a Sighting, remember.

Steamroller Mama drove the steamroller. When we saw her, though, we didn't necessarily envy her as much as wonder how the heck she got up on the thing. You see, Steamroller M. weighed at least 300 -- possibly 400 -- pounds.

She was sitting, we presumed, atop a seat that was not visible. Her huge arms extended over a steering wheel. She wore a hard hat, but her features were unmistakably feminine.

She, too, was driving east. Because she was driving behind the construction barricade where there was no traffic to slow her down, she passed us. Our Sighting that day passed within ten feet of us -- that's right -- on a steamroller.

But wait. There's more! It wasn't enough that the fat lady was driving. No. . . she was singing. Yes, singing at the top of her lungs. We couldn't make out the song, but she was clearly enjoying herself. Life on the steamroller appeared to be good for Steamroller M.

How do you quickly describe what we saw without being offensive? Not easily. I understand the power of words to be hurtful, but I'm sorry this was an extremely fat lady singing on a steamroller.

The opera was officially over, folks. The fat lady sang. She sang and drove by at what must have been a whopping ten miles per hour. She was the star in an opera of the absurd happening right before our eyes. No tickets required.

We inched along on our side of the barricade and encountered Steamroller M. again as the construction zone ended. The steamroller had stopped. She was sitting atop the giant comedic machine staring straight ahead as we drove by. Singing.